Peeves' Secret Sponsor
by Tash the Traumatized Teapot
Summary: ONESHOT! Have you ever wondered where Peeves get the dungbombs and water balloons from? He's a poltergeist, right? So he can't exactly buy them on his own... This is the confessions of his Secret Sponsor!


_Hello again! Here's a new little wander into my mind. Please stay with the guide at all times, and stay out of the shadows! Scary things happen in there. *hands you all bright yellow helmets* Keep this on for the duration __of your stay and be careful!_

_**Disclaimer**__: No, I don't own *disappears into a dark corner to mope*_

_**On another note:**__ For those of you who are waiting for Blood and Coffee to update, it will happen soon. The chapter is done and waiting for my Beta to look through it. I like that I get to blame her for lateness for once! Well, okay, most of the lateness is my fault, but still! *sheepish grin*_

**Peeves's Secret Sponsor**

Have you ever wondered where Peeves get his supply of dumgbombs and water balloons from?

No? Why ever not? He's a poltergeist! It's not like he can walk into Zonko's and order them!

You thought so, didn't you…? Sometimes I worry for the future generations. And yes, that means I'm an adult. I'm a professor at Hogwarts actually. I have also been Peeves's secret supplier since I was a student here myself. I'm quite proud to say that I have not been at the receiving end of a prank done by Peeves since my first year as a student here. I quickly learned what no one else seems to understand: Peeves can easily be bribed. With pranking equipment, mostly.

He's a simple soul, bless him.

I started my career as a professor here by gifting Peeves with eleven dungbombs and a huge supply of water balloons, and he promised to stay out of my classroom. He has kept his promise, and I have kept mine. I promised that he would receive five dungbombs every month during the school year and water balloons or other items at request. We even have a written contract. It was difficult to make him sign it. If that's because he fears the written word nearly as much as the Bloody Baron, or if he's illiterate, I don't know. I will probably never find out either.

The best investment I has ever done, was when Peeves barricaded the entrance to the Headmaster's office with a very big booby trap consisting of several months worth of dungboms and two dozen water balloons filled with Muggle soda. Dumbledore couldn't get into his office (or sleeping quarters, as they are entered from his office) in a week. It was priceless.

I love my job.

The Weasley-twins got the blame. I supervised their detentions myself. It made me all fuzzy inside watching them write "I shall not prank the Headmaster" 100 times. Ah, fond memories.

A teacher's got to get their kicks somewhere, right?

I think the Weasley-twins are starting to understand that Peeves is easily bribed though. I have seen them whispering with him in the hallways. In all my time in Hogwarts, that was the first time I saw Peeves whisper. Not even the Marauders managed to get on his good side! But I think the Weasley-twins managed to do it! Never saw them perform a prank with the poltergeist though. And now they've graduated! They're gone! I will never have to teach them again! I still get in a very unprofessionally good mood every time I think about it. The day they graduated, I was so happy I could sing!

But of course I didn't.

I have a reputation to uphold after all.

The best part of this deal with Peeves is: no one would never, _ever_ suspect me of pranking activity. Especially in cahoots with Peeves. Having a somewhat scary reputation helps. It really does. I have the respect of all my colleagues and students. But they do think me rather stiff.

Not that I care that much about what they think of me. As long as the student behave and learn something, and the teachers behave and teach something, I don't care. Of course, Dumbledore is an exception. One can never know what that man is thinking. I don't want to know either... His mind is probably a very scary place indeed.

Having Peeves on my side also helps me spy on my colleagues. And no, I am not above that. I do whatever it takes to win over Trelawney in the Teacher Betting Pool.

(And yes, that _does_ deserve capital letters.)

I have made it my personal mission to make sure she never wins a bet. Her boasting about her supposed Seer-abilities would be insufferable if she won.

I think Filius suspect something. He keeps giggling when Peeves pranks one of the teachers. But then again; he isn't the Head of Ravenclaw House for nothing. Clever little bastard that he is.

I remember the day I was accepted on the staff. Filius was the first to welcome me. We've played many good chess matches in the staff room. When Dumbledore isn't talking about one thing or another. Our esteemed Headmaster rambles. A lot. About the weirdest things.

Would you believe; just the other day, he called an emergency staff meeting (we all thought Potter had gotten in trouble again, before we remembered that he graduated last year, thank Merlin) to talk about cod. _Cod_! I didn't think it was possible to talk about something so mundane for three hours! _Three_ hours! It was then we decided that Headmaster Dumbledore has finally gone 'round the bend. All the way around. With no return ticket.

And I gave Peeves extra dumgbombs and water balloons and added some Weasley Wizarding Wheezes products, all of it to be used especially on the old man. I have accounts at both Zonko and WWW, using a student alias. It works, actually. Owl order, wonderful invention, that. I would never set foot in that store, myself.

_Thank you for reading! I know its short, but hopefully it was enjoyable anyway. Who figured out who Peeves' secret sponsor is? _


End file.
